By: TRUTH CAUCUS · 10/19/2006 · AIM: crnctruthcaucus · Section: To Wit

TO WIT – GET DOWN TO SWINGTOWN

Because I’m cool (read: the whitest guy on the planet), I just led with Steve Miller Band lyrics.

Ah, the long nights of sweaty teenage lust on high school gymnasium floors are finally coming to an end. There is a growing movement at high schools across the country to ban freak dancing.

Just in case there is any doubt, let me state: I support a freak dancing ban. Freak dancing isn’t, nor ever was, cool. (Especially if you’re white.)

So girls, if you need to freak dance that badly to out-of-date 70s disco: you’re probably “easy.”

In the Los Angeles Times, one high school administrator cried out: “The dancing of our youngsters today is one step from events that should be occurring on wedding nights.”

Of course, like all things made popular by MTV, students are threatening not to attend dances that disallow freak dancing. (Why don’t we just let them have full-blown sex right there on the dance floor?)

The Boston Globe reports: Mitt Romney “has quietly consulted with leaders of the Mormon Church to map out plans for a nationwide network of Mormon supporters.”

Need to know: It appears the mainstream media has already declared the Democrats as the winners of the 2006 midterm elections. (They’re obviously doing what all liberals do: smoking pot.)

Yesterday the Los Angeles Times inadvertently “outed” George Allen campaign manager Dick Wadhams—only to print a correction today.

It was only a matter of time before the Catholic Church had to get brought into this whole Mark Foley nightmare. A Catholic priest living in Sicily has confirmed that he had an inappropriate relationship with Foley that included being nude in the same room, massaging, and drug-induced stupors.

(I don’t even know what to say at this point.)

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